FOUR MONTH FEAR

🌷And just like that, our sweet peach puff turned four months old (exactly one year after we found out we were officially pregnant.)

Evie got her four month vaccines (which knocked her TF out.) And thankfully, she is fully back on track, tracking in at a solid 15 pounds and 24 inches. We could not be more grateful for our healthy, happy, perfectly average baby girl.

This week has been a whirlwind of trials and family tribulations. Darla had 13 teeth remove, resulting in her not feeling well, and quite literally shitting all over our house. Disgusting. Poor girl.

On top of that, this was my last full week at home with my baby. I can’t even bring myself to accept that she is starting daycare next week. On the one hand, I am excited to get back to my professional self. Putting on real clothes, having conversations that don’t revolve around BMs, sleep schedules, and bottle ounces. I’m looking forward to reentering the world of adulthood and seeing if I can get a little of my “pink” back.

On the other, far more precarious hand, I’m terrified of missing out on any moment with Evie. No one will ever love her as much a I do. Fuck, no one will ever appreciate her as much as I do. The amount of effort, love, sacrifice, perseverance that took to get her here. There is no child that has ever been more fought for and wanted, than her. How do I explain to everyone in her life, just how special she is? How she is an absolute miracle. That in order for her to exist, Phil and I had to go through three years of hell. In any other scenario, she doesn’t exist.

Obviously, these conversations will not be happening, but man, all I want to do is scream, “she is the most important, special, unique, miracle of a human being, and you have to treat her as such!!!” (despite her solidly average height and weight.)

I digress.

I know Evie is going to thrive in daycare. She’ll meet her baby friends, I’ll find myself again (and hopefully see more sunlight,) and all will be fine. But in the meantime, I am going to have many, miny meltdowns, just at the thought of handing her over to any person that might think, “oh, here’s another 4-month-old baby!” She is so, SO much more than that. She is everything.🌷