Ticking Clock
🌷As we coast into summer, it’s hard to believe just how many changes are on our horizon. I turned the chapter into what will be my best decade yet - 40!, we officially put a down payment on our new home in Austin, Texas, I traveled there with a designer friend to help me design the asthenic for our new chapter, and perhaps most excitingly, we finalized all clearance with Heather, and are officially moving towards a transfer. The thought that in a years’ time, we will be living in a completely new state, home, and hopefully, with our family complete.
It’s been an emotional month, despite all the exciting and happy times. Personally, I’ve been working extremely hard on dealing with the massive childhood trauma that I never really overcame or understood. It’s taken me years to fully understand pieces of my childhood, why I struggle standing up for myself, struggle to express my needs - specially in times when I am overwhelmed. Why my “go to” is to say “I’m fine",” even when I’m not. In my mind, I want to make everything okay for everyone else, not cause additional stress. The constant feeling of not being good enough or valuable enough or worthy of letting someone support me. In the past, I’ve dealt with these feelings in unhealthy ways. Now, I’m trying to understand them, express them, and learn how to work through them. The phrase, people may have done the best they could, but I still deserved better, has helped me have compassion for my younger self and others, but also validate that, there are certain things that were not okay.
At the end of the day, I want my children to know they are loved every day, and the best thing I can do for them, is work through the emotional trauma now. Afterall, if not at 40, when?
Evie, on the other hand, has no problems expressing herself! Girlfriend feels completely comfortable in her skin and safe to fully express every emotion. Often, this is her SCREAMING “The Wheels on the Bus” song, hopping up and down like a bunny (or “napping” like a bunny, during her fav song “Hop Little Bunnies”), and joking with us that it’s “Nigh Nigh” time - in the middle of a stroller walk or in the morning. However, sometimes she expresses herself by biting. Her classmates. Everyday. Ugh. In the past week, we’ve gotten a note every day, except one, that she utilized violence. And if it’s not the biting, she’s throwing her shoes over the school’s fence.
In other words, it’s never a dull moment with Evelyn Eleanor, and we wouldn’t have it any other way.🌷
