Trauma Mama

🌷It's no surprise that we all carry a lot from our childhood. For me, I always felt like I had to hold everything together and make sure everyone else was okay. This resulted in years and years of mental struggles. I didn't feel like I could break down or ask for help. I never wanted to be an added stress to my family.  

Through years of therapy, I'm learning how to ask for what I need, identify the emotions I'm feeling, and set boundaries where needed. This potential move to Austin has been extremely stressful. I've been all over the place emotionally, oscillating between sadness, excitement, denial. I'm grieving leaving a home that I've built for myself over the past 15+ years. There is so much that I love about where my family is. Our home, our neighborhood, my friends, the closeness to my parents. There are also things I don't love about Minneapolis. It's not the Minneapolis of 10 years ago, and certainly not the Minneapolis I dreamed of living in when I was young.

As we continue these discussions with my family, I find myself falling back into old patterns. Being the person to make sure everyone else is okay, but I'm realizing what I'm not hearing is, "are you ok? how do you feel?"

As much as I want everyone to be okay, there is a very big piece of me that would love to hear from those I love, that they are considering the impact on me, and not just on them. Acknowledgment that the impact on me and my immediate family is very real too. We need to put our air masks on first. So, that's my goal. I need to find a way to be okay with figuring out how to be okay first. 

As for Evie, she has not loved getting 4 molars at one time (nor have we!) and she is officially going to get ear tubes. 🌷